Gay Jesus Doesn’t Eat Chick-fil-A

Just hours ago news that blasphemy charges have been filed over a gay Jesus play in Greece came out. This blasphemy shit has gotten out of hand. It is more prevalent in the Muslim world but I will write about blasphemy on another date. I am going to delve into the possiblity that Jesus was in fact gay. And if he was, I am perfectly ok with that. It sort of would make sense since God was such a homophobe in the Old Testament. What if Jesus is the gay side of God and the angry, mean god was a latent homosexual and that is why he was so against it. Remember that father in American Beauty who would beat his son because he couldn’t deal with his own homosexual tendencies? Wouldn’t sending his son down to be beaten and nailed to a cross be the same thing? God is the abusive father and the New Testament is when he came out of the closet. But where is the proof? Honestly, if I am like most Christians I don’t need proof. If you can’t prove God exists you also can’t prove that he was gay. Maybe I just “feel” it in my heart. Maybe Jesus spoke to me and told me he was gay. I have a personal relationship with my gay savior. And that would be enough since it clearly is enough for ignorant Christians who don’t require evidence. If it’s good enough for Christians, it is good enough for me. But since they sometimes run to scripture to prove their claims, let’s follow the yellow brick road to see what we find.

“When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.” – John 19:26-28

Who is this unidentified disciple? Why does it express that it was a man “whom he loved?” Even if you go and say that Jesus loved all of them the same, in a non-sexual way, why then single it out here? And why tell this guy that Mary is his new mother? Was Jesus married to this man and now Mary was his mother-in-law? This passage seems to indicate that something a little more loving than the average god/disciple love was going on.

“A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind.” – Mark 14: 51-52

Wait… What?! This happens during Jesus’ arrest. What the fuck did the Romans stumble upon at Gethsemane? Was this young man the same man from John’s verse above or was this simply a hippy “Love the one your with” moment?

“And he called to him the multitude again, and said unto them, Hear me all of you, and understand: there is nothing from without the man, that going into him can defile him;” – Mark 7: 14-15

Now that’s some kinky preaching Jesus. Do you say that to all the men?

The Gospel of John frequently shows that John refers to himself in the third person as “the disciple whom Jesus loved.” Was it another John that he was referring to or did he use the third person to protect him from the anti-gay movement of the first century? Again, if Jesus loved everyone the same, why make special mention of one in particular? These guys were trying to say something without coming out and saying it.

During the Last Supper the Gospel of John describes how the “beloved” disciple laid himself on Jesus’ inner tunic. That would be Jesus’ Underoos. – John 13:25 and 21:20.

Assistant professor of comparative religion at Webster University in St. Louis, LA, Robert Gross, makes an interesting observation about Jesus and his beloved disciple during the last supper: “… eat together, side by side. What’s being portrayed here is a pederastic relationship between an older man and a younger man. A Greek reader would understand.” 1

At one point in the bible, Jesus fights violently with his father Joseph in which Joseph is hostile while making claims about “manliness.”

Jesus never married, most men of that time did. Was it because he wasn’t allowed to marry the person whom he loved?

The study on Jesus’ sexuality continues. The truth is, he could go either way – or both ways, which some suggest.

  1. Hank Hyena, “Was Jesus Gay: A search for the messiah’s true sexuality leads to a snare of lusty theories,” 1998-APR,, at:

One response to “Gay Jesus Doesn’t Eat Chick-fil-A

  1. Pingback: A Gay Christian Is Like A Jewish Nazi | Reason With Me·

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